Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
