I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
