You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
only if we run a train.
done.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
