xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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