Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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