Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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