Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
