i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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