New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
