I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
