He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
