your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
