we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize