if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
