Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
