Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
