wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
