I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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