I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize