I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
