idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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