Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
