and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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