Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize