I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
