You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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