Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will be naked everywhere
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Two words: nipple clamps
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