You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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