He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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