So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
