Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
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i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
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I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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