My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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