I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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