biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
