i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
