what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
