So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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