i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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