nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
sex in a hospital.. check
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
