guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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