She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
