Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
