Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
