cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
