I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
