Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize