You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the raccoons are back...
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