Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
