Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
