If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
