I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
