so let's talk penis.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
