He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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