Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
