I wish I could punch you in the face.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
