he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
