so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
