im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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