Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
