I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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