This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
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Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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