I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Drunk is not a location!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
