Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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