turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
