i think my tv is drunk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
