I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize