If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
