I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize