her vagine was all disorganized.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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