you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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