is your mom at the bar?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I AM VODKA MAN
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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