she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
