dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
