I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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