who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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