Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
