apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
