I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize