I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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